$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
