so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
