he thought i was a dude.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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