I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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