i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
