They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
