Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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