Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He uses pillows to masturbate.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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