Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
