Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
