U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
