At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
