Walk of Shame. In a state park.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
COCAINE IS GR8
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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