I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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