I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
