last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
