bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
two words: eviction party
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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