Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
