No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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