haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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