somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
