so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
