everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
