Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
