2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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