i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
