elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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