Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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