I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
