I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
