I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
