she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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