you guys were way drunker than both of me
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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