How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
