i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
