The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
