Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
