So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
