She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
