could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
