I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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