Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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