She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
