It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
