Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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