I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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