i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
