you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
