We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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