Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
