he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
