Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
