apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
