Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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