i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
