I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
