You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
