it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
