he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
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By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
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A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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