broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
