too bad you live with your parents still
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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