Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
