I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think I died a long time ago.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
