Swine flu. Run for my life!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
