party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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