We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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