I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She even gives head with a lisp.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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