bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
