oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
