Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
