I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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